It never crossed my mind nor did I ever think I was capable enough to write about this. I thought if I were putting it down on paper, it may become too real.
But it was real. Blatantly real. I was a freshman college student, getting involved in everything under the moon, but felt as if I were floating in outer space. I was drifting, or you could say separating, from the things I loved most. I didn’t feel like myself. I felt like I had lost the Katie inside of me.
It was a game of tug of war with my joy at one end and stress at the other, and it weighed down on me like the world. From taking numerous psychology courses, I knew what stress was about. I knew the side effects, yet as a college student, I’m supposed to be stressed, right? But I was never told that it can make you feel as if your life is walking right past you and all you can do is watch.
I was in quick sand, trying not to sink.
And at the time, I needed someone to tell me what I’m about to tell you.
You are not alone. Really, you’re not alone. I repeated that twice because it is the truth yet it gets shoveled out of everything. After talking to other women, I realized how common and unspoken this feeling of stress is. Going off of that—you need to talk. Talk to God, talk to your friends, your mom, or whoever. Talking about how you feel brings you one step closer to understanding why you feel that way.
Try picking yourself up. I know this is what I needed to hear at the time, but I’m not exactly sure it was what I wanted to hear. I needed to pick myself up and rediscover the Katie I always knew of. The search for that felt foggy and claustrophobic. I was lost in a pile of messiness that weighed on my heart. I remember the cheesy phrase that floated in the back of my head when something else went wrong: When it rains, it pours. Yeah, no. When it rains, guess what? There’s a huge, stinkin’ rainbow at the end. I started by addressing what was making me stressed. I began doing the little things again that make me, me, such as writing, coffee dates, long car rides, random dance parties, and deep talks. I immediately found myself, and my thoughts, less life draining and more life fulfilling.
Stress is a germ that latches on to us at our weakest. It takes hold of your happiness and throws you in the dumps. Whether you’re a college student, or not, I want you to know your stress is not a fad or lifestyle. If it costs you your joy, it’s time you let go and let God.
With so much love,